Will I do a great job at this?

You know, one of my greatest fears about being married is losing that private space that I have always enjoyed all my life. Not that I am complaining about my future husband. He is the sweetest and most considerate man any woman could ever hope for. He gives me the space I need; he understands completely if I just want to read or write or work in one corner.

Looming forward to more candle-lit dinners together. 🙂

But I am sure other brides (especially the bohemian and independent types like me) will understand what I am saying. For one, sharing a bathroom (or even a bedroom!) is something that women like me will definitely consider as THE major adjustment. The good thing about me and JR is that we shared a 2-bedroom apartment in Phnom Penh and somehow, I already got so used to having a permanent “housemate.” It was difficult for me at first but then again, deciding to have a husband entails giving up some of the “perks” as a single woman, right? 🙂

Ahhh…for so long, I had been on my own, did my own grocery, decorated and painted my apartments single-handedly at times, carried the trash out on my own…and now, there will be someone with me all the time…will I do a great job at this? Will I be willing to give up some of my independent streak? So far, everything is going well and I only have to thank JR again for allowing me to remain the person that I really am: feisty, opinionated at times, independent, and yet, still has a very soft and sentimental side who needs to be cuddled and pampered every now and then.

It’s a nice life. The thought of growing old with someone is so nice. But yes, sometimes I think of those times that I was alone in my apartment and everything felt so at peace. Will I find that kind solitude too in my married life?

And then, I start to think, “Will I turn out to be a bored wife? Will I end up as simply ’the wife’ waiting at home? There are so many stories of happy and blushing brides ending up so unhappy, so unloved, so full of regrets. But then, there are also stories of old couples who remained strongly in love all those years of being together. There are beautiful stories of couples celebrating their golden year anniversary in the joyous laughters of their children and grandchildren. Will we become like that old couple too?

I remember one of my online conversations with an overseas friend who recently got married too. She asked, “Are you ready to get married?” And I replied, “I think so! It’s different pala to go home each day knowing that someone is waiting for you at home, that there will be someone to ask you how your day went. You know, we’ve accomplished so much already…we didn’t think we need a man in our lives, right? But yeah, it’s nice pala to be married….I mean, to do the ordinary things together…for life.” And I guess I already have my answers.

[Re-post from our wedsite, 16 February 2009.]

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